She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
