Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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