he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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