The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
