Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
