I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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