We're facebook friends in real life
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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