I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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