If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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