is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
