for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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