my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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