you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
