I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
