I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
