i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They left me at home... I'm a liability
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
