oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
