you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
