I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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