please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
