my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
