Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
