I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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