Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
