gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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