Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
