i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
