I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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