i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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