I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
