So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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