You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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