Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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