i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
