Pappa wants mamma naked
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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