I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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