saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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