You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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