I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
