He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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