Porn is love you can see.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
