I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
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what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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