I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you didnt know i had herpes?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
