I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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