i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i think i just lost a toe
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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