Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
