hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
