sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
