He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
