You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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