She said her name was "party"
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
