I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
