hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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