I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
