Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
